
The details of each Boom Boom kicker selection in 2021
This is the story behind the story... how did these kickers do as fantasy assets?
Segments, full text, and performance stats
I choose to sit when I pee
and I sit when I poo
but your team can withstand victories
with the Falcons Younghoe Koo
Last week I sat down to poo
this week I stood up
and you can stand beside me
with the Bucs Ryan Succop
My bowels are cleared out
now it's time to hit the hay
sleep soundly this week
with the Rams Matt Gay
You wake up from your nap
you dance to Charleston
cause we're rolling
with the Raiders Daniel Carlsen
My bad dancing last week turned me into a sucker
so I'm going to a fancy dinner this week
with the Ravens Justin Tucker
After my dinner I boarded a plane
heart set on Scotland
yelling Braveheart style, bear chested
go with the Browns Chase McLaughlin
I leapt from the plane
parachuting aboard a freighter
I landed without clothes
boasting of the Cardinals Matt Prater
With butt cheeks freezing
I grabbed some pants size 39
they were cut off jeans
worn by the Cowboys Greg Zuerlein
Clothed aboard the rig I was taken to the brig
by the ship's commanders
I was booed then tattooed
with the face of Miami's Jason Sanders
Freshly inked I began to stink
rotting with the prison's septic smell
nay I sat in my poo mocked by the crew
led by Pittsburgh's Chris Boswell
Poo stained my mood waned
until my rescuer spoke
big shimmy let's swimmy
and I jumped ship with the Patriots Nick Folk
From doggy paddling, soon I was saddling
a beast going full bananas
the megalodon I rode, I used him as my commode
just like Brandon McManus
A dumpy mega snapped at my hedda
and death was soon close in
if not for my friend, carried by wind
hang-gliding with Greg Joseph
Flying, I went full Julie Andrews
floating down like Mary Poppins
I crop dusted that landing and was greeted
by the Chargers Dustin Hopkins
Famished, food has vanished
and my double stuff-sized tummy howled through the night
but I found a churro factory and my tummy was satisfactory
eating them with the Jaguars Matthew Wright
Powered with sugar, I became even surer
that early onset diabetes would ruin my belly, but
I morphed into muscle, ready for an epic tussle
with a final boss kicker named Jake Elliott
Throwing haymakers he came back like Cam Akers
and he thought that he had me fooled
but i threw a duke in and soon he was hadouken
along with the Niners Robbie Gould
Victorious, the crowds were sanctimonious
as i was carried through all of the mass
I came to a throne and was my own knighted by the Bill's Tyler Bass
raised on a chair there was joy in the air
for a champion was given, much thicker
I was rightfully crowned fully endowed
as the one true boom boom kicker